Dream Diary

Dream Walks


1. I am talking with a man about his sex life. We are in his apartment and he explains that he is afraid of having sex with living women. So he has ordered bodies of dead females of different age. I witness when the bodies arrive. They are suspended on fishhooks, all dressed up and wearing make-up. We are now in a dark store room, somewhere in the basement. We come there without leaving the house but I do not remember exactly how we get there.

2. A dark hall, again with some man; we are in conversation and I am told there will be arriving the bodies of people condemned to death. An assembly line starts to move and the bodies begin rolling in. There are males and females, their bodies look grey, but they are not dead yet. They have just been narcotized. Some of the female bodies have their legs spread and bent, as if they would be in labor. Then machines begin to saw the flesh from the bones of the bodies. The saws penetrate the legs first and meat of a brown color falls down in small pieces. I do not understand the purpose of all this, since the machines seem to tear only parts of meat from the bones, but the skin and bones stay intact. I feel sick and it is only now that I notice how the man beside me has sunk unconscious to the ground. I wake up.

3. A horrible tooth infection and almost all teeth lost…



We carry rifles and shoot at undead/zombies that riot in the upper floor of a house. To no avail, what is already dead cannot be killed another time. My comrade tells me to leave and I escape downstairs, where I notice a men with long black hair, all covered in blood, who is wearing heavy iron chains on neck, hands and feet. He is sitting on a dining table made of dark wood. He is chained to the ground and his chair, unable to move or flee. Upstairs the undead are ravaging, about to move downstairs. I want to help but the situation is out of control. He tells me to leave. So I run outside. It is a sunny day, the sky is all blue. I reach a fountain. Looking up towards the sky and blinded by the noon sun I see only the dark silhouette of a huge stone monument in the center of the fountain. I walk half way round the basin and recognize now the huge serpent that winds around a rock, swallowing a man. Inside the basin I see a long chain coiled several times around the monument with beads made of bone and each has a glyph inscribed upon it that together spell out a secret formula. I start deciphering the symbols, but then I am suddenly disturbed by a little boy with blond hair. He starts talking to me and I begin to feel increasingly uncomfortable and tell him to go away. He does not listen so I leave the place but he starts to follow me even though I keep telling him to leave me alone. At a crossroads I have to wait for the lights to turn green. The boy is still following me, asking me questions. The traffic light turns green, I cross the street and reach the newspaper kiosk on the other side of the road. The boy is still there beside me. I pull a gun and shoot him in the head. Perplexed about what I have done I watch the boy sinking to the ground. Then I look in shock at the newspapermen. But the man smiles and says, “you have done everything right”.



A town at night. The pale moonlight shines bright upon its roofs, walls of houses and streets. The streets are all empty and all the roofs are made of copper, which emit a translucent glow against the gray blue night sky. The entire town is made to shine, except for the dark corners where the moon light does not reach. In one of them I notice someone hiding next to the doorsteps of what seems to be a wealthy home. It dawns to me how all of the houses are dark and empty, no one is living inside of them any longer, yet they all look new and clean, as if someone would be taking care of them. Then I learn the entire town has been kept in this condition for decades and its inhabitants are no longer living inside their houses but retreat to existing like shadows in recesses and corners beneath the stairs of their former homes. I am also becoming aware that they have not seen the daylight since then and their skin has turned pale or actually gray as if it had been bleached and lost all of its pigment. The man’s name is Tzarnok…



Gazing down vertiginous high bedposts… This place is my hideout. I am free to stay here as long I need to. I feel gratitude.


Noon. A room filled with scantily dressed girls stretching out on sofas. One girl waves her ass before my face. Suddenly armed men come storming through the front door. Somebody grabs me and tells me to run. We are running down a street whilst men are shooting at us. The cars parking to the side give some protection from the bullets, but the man running behind me gets hit regardless. I run faster, further down the road and come to a lake surrounded by forest. I keep running even though no one seems to be following me any longer. I have just passed the park with flowers bordering on the forest, when suddenly a man grabs me again by the arm. He tells me to come with him. I am lead to a building, which seems to be a school or other type of educational institution. But I am led up stairs into a separate section with rooms not open to the public and several men enter: “You will assist us in something.”



A strange location. The place looks like a 70ies ballroom where floor and walls are all inlaid with brown polished parquet. A concert is supposed to take place but instead the audience begins to run out of the hall. It takes me a second to spot the reason for the panic behavior. I had seen the man on coil feathers. He had jumped towards the stage but failed to land on his feet and instead crashed very bad. The next moment unfolds an amorphous hovering black substance, which seems to grow and expand in all directions, until collapsing, retracting and starting to expand again. An icy cold is going out from the stuff as it spreads in whirling shapes towards the now nearly empty room…

I leave last. Outside the street looks familiar. Three girls walk before me, a blonde, a black and a redhead. They are chatting and laughing and I recognize the former two. I used to be the redhead in their middle but they act deprecating and behave as if they did not know me any longer.

I am hurt for a few seconds then let go. What happened there and who was that man?

[lavender scent enters my nose]



A field. The corn is two meter high. I am running from a huge black animal or beast and the foliage cuts the skin on my face. I am running for my life. Stop. I reach a crossroad. The thing that was chasing me has disappeared up a tree. From the corner of my eye I only spot a jaguar-like shape before it vanishes. Here we meet. It is late afternoon and the sun will be setting soon. We walk along the road beside the fields towards town and talk…

In town we have peppermint ice cream because we like the alien-green color. We laugh. Later in the evening we go to a restaurant where we meet up with other people. Where there are people there is always trouble..

[The face of the girl sitting at the other side of the table slowly turns blue. Then she falls dead off her chair.]



Night. The rain has ceased but mist and fog limit sight. Most of the street lights are broken. To the left and right are low built, run down industrial buildings. The place must be somewhere outside town and once again I have no idea how I got there. Two cars park in the middle of the road. The wet asphalt and water in road holes reflect the light from the cars and buildings. One of the cars is a black Audi. Two men in suits stand nearby. One of them fetches a suitcase from the back of the Audi. He opens it and asks me to check its content and state my opinion. I see three knives, each with an approximately forty centimeter long blade, bedded in fine black velvet. I lift one and we begin to discuss the quality of the steel and thickness, and I ask in how far these are optimized to cut smoothly through different types of human skin. I do not know why I ask this question but he seems to be pleased and begins to explain that the knives would be perfect for such purpose. Meanwhile the lights in the right wing of the complex are switched on and men come to carry inside several suitcases and boxes. Noises from inside the building become louder. I figure it must be a long out of use assembly line that is turned on. I wake up.



A man, naked, alive and reacting, is tied to an operating table. I observe how is thorax is opened with one clean cut, starting at the larynx, ending below the abdomen. He does not scream, even though he is fully conscious. I move and walk along a dark corridor that widens after a while. I enter another room located below the operating room. The ceiling is made of glass and looking up I am blinded by flood lights. Then I see a silhouette falling head-over and in seeming slow motion towards me. I recognize the man from the table and observe how his stomach slowly begins to widen and blood and intestines pour out of his belly right towards me. They hit soundless against the glass roof above my face. Within the radiant UV-lights the spread intestines and blood upon the glass form an artwork of its own.

The man is not dead yet, but he is unable to move. His body is now being dragged out of the operation room, leaving behind a trail of blood. I continue walking down the corridor and eventually come to a room crossed by a slide. I hear the sound of something hitting against the walls of the slide. It must be the body of the disemboweled man, gliding down the slopes and hitting against its walls. Suddenly I find myself leaning over a rail and looking into a basin filled with toys and balls. It looks like a children’s playground, the ones you find at big malls. Woosh! In between red, yellow and blue balls, clown-puppets and toy-ducks, the man dies. Two men, one smiling sadistically, stand and wait…



Dream walk through the same foreign town, all feels real and strangely familiar, as I realize I must have been there many times, yet I feel like a tourist… following the serpentine roads and paths that meander up and down its surrounding hills, passing by its old buildings, walking through artist quarters and avenues, restless, with a repressed feeling of having witnessed a crime that has been blurred from my memory. It is the certainty of an uncertainty that drives me to uncover what has really happened here in this sunny peaceful place, as it all seems to be connected to days or months or years that seem to have been entirely erased from my life… I have now been given a map and slowly, bit by bit, or dream-visit by dream-visit, regain orientation…